The Breakfast Menu Breakfast reviews from the South Coast and beyond

16Feb/102

Fantasy Breakfast X11 – Who would you choose?

Specials - Breakfast FormationOur trip to BHS has raised an interesting point, the majority of the time when we select off a breakfast menu in cafes we are restricted as to what we can choose to eat by how the pre-defined breakfasts are selected by the proprietor.

The notice on a menu which has become the dread of a no-eggs breakfast fanatic, “No substitutions”, should not be a barrier in reaching breakfast perfection.   Although flawed in its execution, our recent experience of a pick-your-own breakfast has led me to believe that a personalised breakfast should be more widely available.  I know it would lead to stress levels of chefs and waitresses around the country reaching record levels, but the customer should come first and our wishes be granted.

Come the revolution, in my breakfast utopia we will have the right to eat whatever we want without having to resort to bargaining and negotiation. No longer will we be restricted by the choices of others...  but in this perfect state, what should we choose?  How will we come to a decision that will either make or break our dream start to the day?

Here’s my selection, I know what some of you are going say, but eggs were never going to be selected:

  1. Fresh White Bread (with butter). The foundation of every great breakfast, the first name on the list and the last to be used.  The sweeper of the breakfast world, it will mop up anything that gets through.  Is there anything better than the last traces of bean and tomato juice being soaked up and disposed of?
  2. Bacon.  Must not be  fatty, that’s my only rule...
  3. Black Pudding.  Who cares what’s in it, if it’s on the plate you know you are 8 steps from breakfast heaven!
  4. The sausage; the midfield general of the team and its most important player.  If it works well it will make up for the short comings of any of it's teammates.  Preferably Butcher bought and with loads of flavour
  5. The sausage #2.  So good it’s selected twice!
  6. Beans...“Parp!”
  7. Plum tomatoes.  A traditional selection, their juice gets them the nod over a grilled tomato
  8. Mushrooms. One of my five a day?? I can kid myself it is!  Ideally fried in butter with some garlic!
  9. Hash Brown.  Picked for how it links up with the beans.  Crunchy and can be used to make an impromptu breakfast sandwich filling with beans within the white bread
  10. The Fried slice.  The greasy goodness that will get you through dinner and to tea
  11. Tea.  No breakfast should be without it, if its missing you will never recover from the loss

Well there you go, that’s my choice.  Did I miss an open goal or did I hit a screamer?  Now it’s your time to don the sheepskin jacket, blurt out tired clichés and take charge of your breakfast destiny...

Mr No Eggs

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  • IlovePork

    No eggs, Mr No Eggs? It’s a bit like France’s treatment of David Ginola isn’t it?

    Put him up front, he’s a supreme poacher =)

    Drop the fried slice to the bench…some good fresh white is enough, though as you seem to suggest, should he not be playing at sweeper?

  • the bacon butty

    In goal you have 2 slices of toast with butter and marmalade, a classic and always reliable

    Left back you have 2 rashers of smoked danish bacon, provides the international flare

    Right back hash browns, a great filler at all times

    centre back 1 it has to be scrambeled eggs

    Centre back 2 a fried egg

    holding midfield has to be backed beans – able to soak up the mess (in this case the cholesterol)

    right wing – black pudding – enough said

    left wing – white pudding because breakfasts are for everyone and its just racist to have black withotu white plus its awesome

    attacking midfilder – 4 thick cumberland sausages, the match winner, in a word BEAUTIFUL

    striker 1 – mushrooms – a great addition, big and tasteful – just like bobby Zamorra

    Striker 2 – a lovely glass of fresh juice

    Manager – Wayne Rooney – That fat mug knows a good breakfast when he sees one