The Breakfast Menu Breakfast reviews from the South Coast and beyond

8Mar/103

The Market Diner, Brighton

The Market Diner [map]The Market Diner, Brighton
19-21 Circus Street
Brighton
East Sussex
BN2 9QF

Last Visited: March 2010

A late night refuge for taxi drivers, paramedics and clubbers serving enormous quantities of questionable quality food, but is that really what you care about at 3 in the morning while you tell your best mate Pete that you love him and how great he is. Over, and over?

Opening Hours: Open from 22:30pm until very early/late.

Price: Varying, but at that time of the morning you haven't got much choice.  The most expensive item is the Mega Gutbuster at £7.30

The Market Diner, Brighton - Gut Buster Big Breakfast FryupMr No Egg's:

Breakfast:  Mega Gut-Buster

Well our first foray into the world of “late-night fry-up’s” has left me in a position I thought I would never be in.  Like a boxer taking his first real punch, this evening I encountered a collection of food stuffs that are forcing me to consider whether to go on with this whole thing.

The combination of pink and grey burgers, questionable sausages, a sweet and sour fried slice, a rasher of bacon that looks liked it was carved from no animal I know of  and... wait... I can’t go on... It’s bringing back too many bad memories and also possibly the breakfast!

Despite there being two parked ambulances outside and their crews eating around us, it still did not fill me with confidence that I could be resuscitated if I finished the whole thing.  So with my personal welfare and safety in mind, for the first time (and hopefully the last) I left untouched a substantial part of my “breakfast”, and I use that word in the loosest possible term.

I was looking forward to tonight as the whole late night aspect could have opened up a new area of breakfast indulgence to enjoy, but it will take a lot of therapy, hypnosis and cold showers to forget this encounter.

I think this place suits a certain type of customer.  Post clubbing revellers’, night workers or people just looking to get out of the cold can enjoy a sub-standard cup of tea and poor quality portion. But this is not for me.

Out of our party I was the only one that thought it was a bad meal...  and I was the only one sober.... coincidence??

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Slightly drunk Mr. Chipolata eating a GutBuster:The Market Diner, Brighton - Gut Buster

Oh hell yes, so much greasy crap to eat and I don't even have to eat with proper table manners because the rest of the clientel are inebriated, I wonder how many chips I can get on the end of my fork and still fit it all in my mouth? Actually, add mushrooms and a bit of sausage to that mouth ful and it will taste even better I reckon. Yummy!

Hmmm this is damn good! A damn fine meal! I could do with some more beans on the plate and the mushrooms seem to explode in a puddle of watery foulness when I spike them with my eating implements but who cares when it all ends up in my belly and I can mop up the waste with the chips. There's lots of beer down there that needs to be soaked up so I better wolf them down quicker.

The fried slice tastes of something that I can't quite place but I have a feeling its whatever was fried before the bread became this titbit of oily heaven.

So much food! I had to stop a few steps away from victory but that didn't deter me from stealing a bit of egg and fried slice from Mr No Eggs plate which had sheepishly been left undevoured.

Mr. Chipolata the morning after the GutBuster:

The Market Diner, BrightonGood god!! What the hell is growing inside me? It's like something is alive down there!

The taste from the fried slice is still tainting the sides of my mouth and I can feel those horrid mushrooms like little fungus water balloons bursting on each bite. I don't normally get a hangover from 6 pints, let alone 3! This is something different, something unholy. I'm glad I didn't touch the plum tomatoes, they looked like they may be some sort of organ donation that the paramedics from the table opposite had brought in from a botched mouth to mouth.

However, some short wretching in the toilets at about 11am and by lunch time I was ready to quell this horrid beast with a burger from the nearest public house, it was surely the only cure. If you find yourself in a position such as mine, I recommend this plan of action. Alternatively, not finding yourself in the Market Diner after the pubs shut would be the best decision all round. Save yourself, Grubbs is probably still open!

Ingredient Quality: ★½☆☆☆
Portion Size: ★★★☆☆
Value For Money: ★☆☆☆☆
Service: ★☆☆☆☆
Overall: ★½☆☆☆

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January 2011: (Mr NoEggs) I am told that the Market Diner is under new management.  A new visit will be scheduled soon to this Brighton institution.

  • Adam

    A very entertaining, and very accurate review.

    • Mr. Chipolata

      Thanks Adam!

  • Mark jones

    I will never go back to the market diner Brighton, food is utter rubbish and over priced.